Welcome

From Anthony: Do you believe it's better to tell your child that they are adopted when they are younger or waiting until they are older? If older around what age do you think is best to tell them?

Hi Anthony,

When I was in my 20’s and desperate to search, I found a wonderful adoption support group. It was the 1st time I was surrounded by lots of my people. I had never been in a room full of adoptees before. Finally, more people like me sharing their stories. One of the most profound  

statements I heard in group that I have never forgotten was, “Children always know there is a secret in the house.”  To tell or not to tell is a big decision based on many factors. However, keep in mind that energetically, children always sense there is a secret and keeping secrets creates trust issues down the road. As an adoptee with children now, I even struggled with telling my kids about the tooth fairy or Santa Claus...I did not want them to not trust me when they were older and we had “that talk.”

My mother chose to tell me right away. I can’t remember a moment I didn’t know, on a conscious level, I wasn’t adopted. I loved hearing the “when they got me” story and asked about it often. For me personally, this story was a great service to me. While I had to field questions from curious people often, I am grateful to my parents for not being a part of a big lie or secret in the house.

Also, keep in mind, if a family waits, who is waiting in service to? If it is not in service to your child, then the family has already left a very important person out of their own life story.

Remember, children know when there is a secret in the house.

Have a beautiful day,

DearAdoptee