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From IM: How is it like to be an adoptee?

Hello IM,

It’s a day by day process.

When I was young, I was always told I was special. I didn’t understand why it was so painful to be special. It was disappointing to be special. I couldn't seem to grasp how being special was a good thing like my Mom made it sound like it was supposed to be. 

Now, it’s wild because when I have a tough day emotionally, I don’t really know if it was because of my birth separation trauma or if I’m just having a rough day. It’s peculiar, always wondering if the initial separation after birth is creating knee-jerk drama now. It’s disorienting...like my feet are never quite on the ground. I am always extra cautious...and have no idea why. I always have plan A, B, C and D. I have no idea how much of who I am is by genetics and how much is influenced from my parents . Nature vs. nurture is always a conundrum for an adoptee. 

I do the best I can day by day.

Have a beautiful day,

DearAdoptee